Welcome to the Club You Never Signed Up For
If you’re a mom, you’ve likely experienced “mom guilt” at least once—or, let’s be honest, once an hour (because who’s counting, right?). From feeling guilty for wanting a break to feeling like you’re not doing enough, not feeding them the right food, forgetting to do something important to them....the list is endless.
I know all to well it can sometimes feel like you’re constantly failing at this whole parenting thing. But here’s the truth: you’re not alone, and you’re definitely not failing.
Mom guilt is one of those unwelcome companions that comes with the territory of raising kids. It’s that voice in your head that tells you you're not doing enough, not being enough, or that your 30 minutes of “me time” somehow makes you a bad mom. that voice is lying.
So let’s talk about how to deal with that nagging guilt, let go of unrealistic expectations, and—dare I say it—embrace the beautiful mess of motherhood.
What Is Mom Guilt, and Why Does It Feel So All-Encompassing?
Mom guilt is real, and it’s rooted in a mix of societal pressure, internalized perfectionism, and the relentless expectations that come with being a mother. We are by nature emotional, nurturing and we are pretty damn good at it, sometimes to good that it drains us.
Society loves to have a perfect image of what a “good mom” looks like—whether that’s being a Pinterest-perfect stay-at-home mom, juggling a successful career while raising kind and well-behaved children, or posting Insta-worthy moments of your family’s every move.
Here's the thing: most of those expectations are total BS.
We’ve been sold the idea that if we’re not doing it all perfectly, we’re somehow failing our kids. But here’s a little secret I’ve learned: Your kids don’t need you to be perfect.
They just need you to be present and love them.
Reframe Your Thoughts: Challenge the “All or Nothing” Mentality
Mom guilt often thrives on the “all or nothing” mindset. You might think, “If I’m not playing with my kids every second, I’m a bad mom,” or “If I take a break, I’m neglecting them.” But the reality is, you’re allowed to take care of yourself without it being a failure.
Instead of thinking in absolutes, try to reframe those thoughts. For example:
“I’m spending time with my kids, but I also need time for myself to recharge. Both are okay.”
“Just because I’m not perfect today doesn’t mean I’m a bad mom. I’m doing the best I can.”
Changing these thought patterns might take time, but the more you challenge the “I’m not enough” mentality, the easier it will get.
Practice Self-Compassion: Be as Kind to Yourself as You Are to Your Kids
If your friend came to you crying about all the things she felt guilty for, what would you say? Most likely something like, “Girl, you're doing amazing! Don’t beat yourself up over the little stuff.”
Now, why don’t we say that to ourselves? We’re quick to show kindness and compassion to others, but when it comes to ourselves, we often turn into the most critical judge in the courtroom. It’s time to turn that around.
Start by acknowledging your feelings of guilt and then practicing self-compassion. Tell yourself, “It’s okay to make mistakes. I’m doing the best I can, and that’s enough.” You wouldn’t hold your kids to a perfect standard, so don’t hold yourself to one either.
Set Realistic Expectations: Let Go of the Supermom Myth
Here’s another harsh truth: there’s no such thing as Supermom. No one has it all together 100% of the time, no matter what their Instagram feed might suggest. Trying to be everything to everyone is a surefire way to burn out.
So, let go of those unrealistic expectations, stay off social media. Be realistic about what you can do in a day, and set boundaries that are kind to yourself. If you don’t feel like cooking a five-course dinner tonight, order takeout. If you don’t have the energy to entertain your kids with crafts for an hour, that’s fine. Your kids will survive without a perfectly Pinterest-worthy activity schedule.
And if you’re in need of a reminder, here’s a mantra to say to yourself: “I am enough, even if today isn’t perfect.”
Focus on the “Good Enough” Principle
You don’t need to be perfect, you just need to be “good enough.” This principle is based on the idea that providing your child with the basics of love, safety, and support is all they really need. Kids are resilient. They’ll grow up remembering the moments when you showed up, when you hugged them after a tough day, or when you laughed together—even if it was during a messier-than-usual meal.
You don’t have to nail every single thing. And you don’t have to be an overachiever every day. A “good enough” mom is just as valuable as a “perfect” one, and spoiler alert—no one is perfect.
Talk About It: Share Your Guilt with Fellow Moms
Sometimes, just talking about mom guilt can make it feel less overwhelming. If you’re feeling like you’re not doing enough, chat with a another mom who gets it. You’d be amazed at how many of us are dealing with the same feelings. The shared experience of motherhood can be incredibly validating and help normalize those feelings.
And if you're not comfortable talking to someone in person, consider joining online communities or mom groups where you can share your feelings without judgment. We’re all in this together, and the more we talk about it, the less power that guilt has over us.
You Are Doing Great (Really)
So, here’s the bottom line: You’re doing better than you think you are. Mom guilt will always try to creep in, but the key is to recognize it for what it is: a voice trying to sell you the myth of perfection. The reality is that you’re already being the best mom you can be, even on the days when things feel less than perfect.
Let go of the unrealistic expectations. Give yourself the grace and compassion you so freely give to others. And remember: you’re doing great, even if the laundry is piling up or your kid had three too many chocolate chip cookies today. It's okay!
You’ve got this, mama. Now, go be kind to yourself. These are a few affirmations to practice! Here is a more in depth list of affirmations and why they are important. I have created a free printable with affirmatins inside as well!
I am doing the best I can, and that’s all anyone can ask for.
I release the pressure to be everything to everyone.
It’s okay to take care of myself; I can’t pour from an empty cup.
I am not perfect, and that’s okay. I am still a loving and devoted mom.
I am worthy of forgiveness, including from myself.
My children know I love them, even when I make mistakes.
It’s okay to set boundaries for myself and my family.
I am allowed to prioritize my needs without feeling guilty.
I trust that my children are learning from the way I model self-compassion.
I release guilt and embrace the peace that comes from doing my best.
How do you cope with mom guilt? Do you have any tips or affirmations that help you let go of those unrealistic expectations? Share in the comments—let’s support each other! 💖
Комментарии